she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
