I hope mine doesn't look like that
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
handjob tips. give me some.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Randomize
