i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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