onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
