is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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