I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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