Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
