The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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