I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
