So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
