yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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