We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
