Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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