2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
