I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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