just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
