im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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