i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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