They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
