my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
