she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
