White coat. Heels.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
