Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
