i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
