how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
