Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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