we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
