and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
