It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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