Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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