My brain says no but my pants say off.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Success! We fucked roommates!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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