I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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