Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
