I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
