am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
