careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
