How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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