Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The best revenge is premature balding
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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