we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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