his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
