so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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