The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
