that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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