My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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