Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
