I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
