She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
