if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
