I smell stomach acid.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
