i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
