hotel room ftw
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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